The Situation: While having a conversation with a friend of mine yesterday and discussing some of the recent activities going on in my life. I realized that there must be something wrong. I've always believed that when things are continuously going wrong it's usually because there is something negative in your life blocking your blessings. I've always considered outside factors to be the cause of this. But after our hour long convo I discovered that sometimes it may just be you! And what I mean by that is as women we often put so much work into making sure you take care of all of the other aspects in your life (i.e. relationships, kids, work) and you forget to take time to make sure you are growing as a person. I know I've neglected a lot things when it comes to myself. I enjoy the feeling I get from nurturing my relationship. I find total happiness in knowing that my son is happy. But when it's all said and done and I'm sitting there by myself....I'm no longer happy. So what does this mean? That maybe the percentage of attention that I show to my man and my son and to myself is NOT equal. So how do you take care of your family and also devote more time to you without feeling like your neglecting one or the other?
The Good: When I look at the things that I have going for me right now of course I smile. I have a son that knows no matter what Mommy is here for him. That at the end of the day him and his happiness comes first to me. I also have a great boyfriend who without a doubt knows that I am completely devoted to him and I will do everything in my power to make sure he knows that he has a woman who is on his side no matter what. Yes, I have stopped doing things for me but my family knows that when push comes to shove they can count on me to be the woman in their lives that will continue to work hard to keep them happy.
The Bad: With all the above being stated, the bad of this situation is I'M NOT COMPLETELY HAPPY WITH MYSELF. I know that I have great qualities but I can't remember when the last time was that I actually did something for me. Whether it's going out to the club, a movie by myself or a girls night with close friends. And because of the stress that comes with this I tend to take out my frustrations on the people that are closest to me.
The Real: I need to get out. Women don't understand how much one night alone or with friends every couple of weeks can change your whole outlook on life and yourself. It helps you grow as woman, and it allows you surround yourself with women who are possibly battling the same battles. This recent discovery has been extremely refreshing. I spent almost the entire year of 2010 trying to figure out what it was in my life that was causing so many issues and so many sleepless nights. Now I know that even if you are mature when it comes to love or mature when it comes to motherhood, that means nothing if you don't take the time to mature as a WOMAN first.
Friday, January 28, 2011
Monday, January 17, 2011
Fool Me Once Shame On You. Fool Me Twice?
The Situation: You're dealing with a person and they totally screw the relationship up. Whether it's by cheating, being disrespectful, or being physically, emotionally or verbally abusive; they messed it up. So you leave and vow never to look back up. You deal with the crying and distress. Along with the hour long conversations with your friends about how horrible your ex is and how if they even thought about trying to come back you would stop them dead in their tracks. And then the phone call comes....or maybe it's a surprise visit. Either way there they are begging for your forgiveness and finally admitting to all the wrong that they've done. You're still angry and heartbroken but here come the butterflies. And you start to remember why you fell in love with them in the first place. So after al ot of debating with yourself you decide to take them back.
The Good: I believe that people can change. It comes a point in almost every one's life when they realize that they've made a mistake and they do whatever they can to fix it. If this is the case, you've come across a good one. From this point on they will try their hardest to make sure they don't repeat the same idiotic behavior. They know you inside and out and can actually appreciate the wonderful person that you are. Being without you for that particular amount of time has shown them what life is like without you and since they came back you can pretty much rest assure knowing that their life is much more appealing with you in it.
The Bad: Now on the other hand you may have to come to the realization that you are dealing with a complete a-hole. Even though they came with an apology, that doesn't mean they meant it. You may be a crutch to them. Possessing something that they need for the moment to survive. And you will be "the one" until they find another "one" that is going to provide them with more and "nag" them less. This is a horrible situation to be in but I can't count how many times I've heard about it or actually gone through it myself. When this happens you actually hurt more than you did the first time. Now you have to deal with their continued abuse and disrespect, on top of beating yourself up because you are now right back where you vowed you would never be.
The Real: When dealing with matters of the heart you never really know what the outcome is going to be. All you can do is keep your eyes open and pay attention to all red flags. As women, we have a natural instinct to want to nurture our partners. If we feel that they're actions are because of past issues, we tend to give more love and ignore all signs of this person just being an inconsiderate and selfish person. Sometimes there is no underlying issues. Sometimes you just come across an egocentric person and you just have to accept them for who they are and move on. If you are thinking about giving someone a second chance, don't allow them to pressure you into making a decision right away. The ball is now in YOUR court. Allow them time to show you that they've changed. I always say actions speak louder than words. A person can tell you anything but if they really mean what they say it will show in how they speak to you and how they carry themselves. Second chances can be a blessing or they can be a downfall. No one can predict the future, but just by paying attention you can choice your fate of heartache or bliss.
The Good: I believe that people can change. It comes a point in almost every one's life when they realize that they've made a mistake and they do whatever they can to fix it. If this is the case, you've come across a good one. From this point on they will try their hardest to make sure they don't repeat the same idiotic behavior. They know you inside and out and can actually appreciate the wonderful person that you are. Being without you for that particular amount of time has shown them what life is like without you and since they came back you can pretty much rest assure knowing that their life is much more appealing with you in it.
The Bad: Now on the other hand you may have to come to the realization that you are dealing with a complete a-hole. Even though they came with an apology, that doesn't mean they meant it. You may be a crutch to them. Possessing something that they need for the moment to survive. And you will be "the one" until they find another "one" that is going to provide them with more and "nag" them less. This is a horrible situation to be in but I can't count how many times I've heard about it or actually gone through it myself. When this happens you actually hurt more than you did the first time. Now you have to deal with their continued abuse and disrespect, on top of beating yourself up because you are now right back where you vowed you would never be.
The Real: When dealing with matters of the heart you never really know what the outcome is going to be. All you can do is keep your eyes open and pay attention to all red flags. As women, we have a natural instinct to want to nurture our partners. If we feel that they're actions are because of past issues, we tend to give more love and ignore all signs of this person just being an inconsiderate and selfish person. Sometimes there is no underlying issues. Sometimes you just come across an egocentric person and you just have to accept them for who they are and move on. If you are thinking about giving someone a second chance, don't allow them to pressure you into making a decision right away. The ball is now in YOUR court. Allow them time to show you that they've changed. I always say actions speak louder than words. A person can tell you anything but if they really mean what they say it will show in how they speak to you and how they carry themselves. Second chances can be a blessing or they can be a downfall. No one can predict the future, but just by paying attention you can choice your fate of heartache or bliss.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Excuse Me, Are Those Your Kids?!
The Situation: So the year is now 2011 and there are not many men or women out here who do not have kids. So the odds of you not having to deal with baby mama or baby daddy drama are pretty much slim to none. There are some individuals who actually have a peaceful relationship with their ex...and then there are some that dread the thought of even communicationg with their ex. If you happen to come across someone who has a peaceful relationship with their kids mom/dad, there is really much drama you have to deal with. But if the connection between the two has fizzled and the lines of communication are obsalete, your relationship may experience a lot of tials and tribulations. So let's discuss the good, the bad and the real of dating someone with children.
The Good: Now, no matter what the situation is (drama or no drama) dating someone with kids can show you a lot about a person. It takes a great amount of commitment, love and dedication to be a good parent. Especially if you are dating a dad who has custody of their kids. The maternal instinct is not naturally there, but developed over time. If you plan on building a life with this person you definitely want to see signs of being a responsible parent. This is an important trait in a potential life partner.
The Bad: Ok, let's start with the drama-free relationship. No, you won't have to deal with the angry calls or a stressed out partner. But there will probably be a lingering thought in the back of your head. You know that infamous question "Are there still feelings there?" And this is when the problems start. Every phone call, birthday party, meeting and holiday will raise questions and doubts. Eventually this may be the down fall of your relationship.
Now on to that very common world full of drama. This is the hardest of the two to deal with. Everything may be going great between you and your mate, but the ongoing issues between them and their ex can change that very quickly. Hopefully you're dealing with a person who will not allow this drama to take a toll on your relationship. But being the bystander you can't help but to feel some sort of way about the emotional and financial hold this particular spiteful person has on your bf/gf. It's kind of hard to know that just one comment can change your partner's mood and mess up their whole day. And there is absolutely nothing you can do about it. Not to mention the possible threats that may come your way because of the successful relationship that you now have. All because they were unable to finish what they started. Again, more circumstances that could possibly be the end to your relationship.
The Real: No matter the type there are pros and cons. The success of your relationship is solely based on the maturity level and the effort being put forth. If you are dating someone with kids you ARE going to have to deal with something during the duration of the relationship. But if you and your partner have a clear understanding that you will not allow any outside factors to destroy what you are trying to build, you shouldn't have any issues. Communication is key and no stone should be left unturned when discussing the dynamic of that partnership. One thing that must be understood is: no matter what they are going to have to deal with their ex. And at the end of the day the only thing that REALLY matters is the peace of mind of the children. Don't be that new girlfriend or boyfriend that the kids think is driving a wedge between their parents. As long as you are dealing with someone who makes it known where you stand and leaves you with no doubts, you should know your role and play it accordingly.
The Good: Now, no matter what the situation is (drama or no drama) dating someone with kids can show you a lot about a person. It takes a great amount of commitment, love and dedication to be a good parent. Especially if you are dating a dad who has custody of their kids. The maternal instinct is not naturally there, but developed over time. If you plan on building a life with this person you definitely want to see signs of being a responsible parent. This is an important trait in a potential life partner.
The Bad: Ok, let's start with the drama-free relationship. No, you won't have to deal with the angry calls or a stressed out partner. But there will probably be a lingering thought in the back of your head. You know that infamous question "Are there still feelings there?" And this is when the problems start. Every phone call, birthday party, meeting and holiday will raise questions and doubts. Eventually this may be the down fall of your relationship.
Now on to that very common world full of drama. This is the hardest of the two to deal with. Everything may be going great between you and your mate, but the ongoing issues between them and their ex can change that very quickly. Hopefully you're dealing with a person who will not allow this drama to take a toll on your relationship. But being the bystander you can't help but to feel some sort of way about the emotional and financial hold this particular spiteful person has on your bf/gf. It's kind of hard to know that just one comment can change your partner's mood and mess up their whole day. And there is absolutely nothing you can do about it. Not to mention the possible threats that may come your way because of the successful relationship that you now have. All because they were unable to finish what they started. Again, more circumstances that could possibly be the end to your relationship.
The Real: No matter the type there are pros and cons. The success of your relationship is solely based on the maturity level and the effort being put forth. If you are dating someone with kids you ARE going to have to deal with something during the duration of the relationship. But if you and your partner have a clear understanding that you will not allow any outside factors to destroy what you are trying to build, you shouldn't have any issues. Communication is key and no stone should be left unturned when discussing the dynamic of that partnership. One thing that must be understood is: no matter what they are going to have to deal with their ex. And at the end of the day the only thing that REALLY matters is the peace of mind of the children. Don't be that new girlfriend or boyfriend that the kids think is driving a wedge between their parents. As long as you are dealing with someone who makes it known where you stand and leaves you with no doubts, you should know your role and play it accordingly.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
"I Really Love Him...But He's With HER"
I've definitely seen alot of this type of situation. You know...you meet someone they tell you that they are involved with someone but they are not happy for one reason or the other. You guys decide to "be friends" even though it's plain to see that is a mutual attraction between the two of you. So some time passes, you get closer and closer. The person who is involved continues to tell you that they are soooooo unhappy and they would much rather start a relationship with you. They feed you that infamous line; you know the one "I wish I would have met you first". And you of course fall for it. So now you find yourself in a situation where you are now committed to someone who is still involved with someone else. So now what do you do?
The Good: Well in my opinion there really isn't a "good" side to this. But ok let's see...It is a possibility that they may leave. And if they leave and you guys decide to build a relationship, you may discover that you've come across your soulmate. And you may have been exactly what they needed to be able to move on to a better, much happier place. And then you'll get married and have lots of babies!
The Bad: The "involved" party may never leave the one that they're with. You may have been that little piece of excitement that they needed and now your time is up. Or maybe they do leave and decide to commit to you. But can you really trust them? What makes you "the one" and the other person so disposable? With questions like this floating your relationship may be destined to fail.
The Real: "Love conquers all" This is a quote that many have recited but they don't truly believe it. Not all situations start out the way that we plan. Sometime your soul mate may be with someone else and you may know that you are so much better for them than the person they are with. But this does not mean that you should take matters into your own hands. If this is REALLY who you're suppose to be with, they will make the decisions to completely end their relationship to explore things with you. If they tell you that it's not that simple you may have to settle for a friendship. I do not condone cheating. It not only hurts the person that is being cheated on but it opens the door for so many other problems.
The Good: Well in my opinion there really isn't a "good" side to this. But ok let's see...It is a possibility that they may leave. And if they leave and you guys decide to build a relationship, you may discover that you've come across your soulmate. And you may have been exactly what they needed to be able to move on to a better, much happier place. And then you'll get married and have lots of babies!
The Bad: The "involved" party may never leave the one that they're with. You may have been that little piece of excitement that they needed and now your time is up. Or maybe they do leave and decide to commit to you. But can you really trust them? What makes you "the one" and the other person so disposable? With questions like this floating your relationship may be destined to fail.
The Real: "Love conquers all" This is a quote that many have recited but they don't truly believe it. Not all situations start out the way that we plan. Sometime your soul mate may be with someone else and you may know that you are so much better for them than the person they are with. But this does not mean that you should take matters into your own hands. If this is REALLY who you're suppose to be with, they will make the decisions to completely end their relationship to explore things with you. If they tell you that it's not that simple you may have to settle for a friendship. I do not condone cheating. It not only hurts the person that is being cheated on but it opens the door for so many other problems.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)